Ultimatum.. Maybe..

Having lunch now at Old Town in Alor Star.. Feel very very tired.. My eyes are tired... my shoulder feel tired.. i feel tired with my life too..

Your 'disappearance' in my life suddenly i felt so empty and somehow no meaning at all.. In my heart i felt so lonely and scare.. You have been in my heart for almost 10 months now and out of sudden you're like walking out or pulling out from my life..

Since 3rd of May.. I only have 3 answers from you.. "ya..." from sms.. "no..." from msn... "......S-T-U-P-I-D" from facebook.. Besides that you are totally silence.. you have been like muted by someone or controlled my someone that forbids you from talking to me.. I do not its real..

Even before you went to Sydney.. we are in the freezing period.. But occasionally you still msg me.. and before you board the flight.. we still talk on the phone for 0.44 seconds..

Then after that Mimi came to my life and i needed your advise to cure her.. You did talk to me for a while and advise me.. And this so called 'Legal Letter' pop up for the phone bill and you think that Mr T able to support you in everything.. and clear up your debts..

If you think that he able to support you.. then why not me? Give me at least 2 months more.. Everything will be ok already.. I will able to support you from head to toe... handle all your debts and pay up your phone bills..

Some of my friends do advise me to advise you (my friend would like to talk to you but she dunno you so abit paiseh).. Some car sales man might not as 'colorful' as you think.. because few of my friends are car salesman too.. their words might too 'colorful'.. even them ownself would not believe on what they said.. Seriously one of my friend get cheated.. Please let them prove it to you in black and white before you decide on anything.. ( I wanna tell you this long time ago.. but i scare that i might offend you.. I'm sorry)

But not all car sales ppl are like that.. Some of them still carry moral in them.. (My Honda sales girl is still good)

But if you think of it.. if you are going to certain place far from here.. will Thunder, Lilo and Xiao bai able to follow you wherever you go.. You may miss them.. But now i miss them like i miss you too.. I seriously wanna see them..

Do you know that i wish to spend every weekend with them.. especially Thunder.. he's so smart and beautiful.. i really wanna run and jog with him on the big field every single weekend.. and swim together with him at the dog run... I wanna make him my 'son' too.. and for lilo and Xiao Bai.. i will make them some space so that they can play and sleep on the floor.. They will have bigger space.. i miss them..

My dear.. you are still young and full of energy.. Probably you might wanna have someone that able to company whatever you do.. like play along with you in Disneyland (roller coaster ride or any thrill rides).. how about bungee jumping..? dance and party with you on weekends till the sunrise..? dive together with you and enjoy the beautiful scenery of the corals and colorful aquatic life.. Do you know these are my wishes to be together with you..? These are all the activities i wanna share with you.. This might take a year plus.. but meanwhile i already taking care part of your finance.. and no one is controlling you beside your 3 sons.. (Try to think of it.. )

Somehow i dont wish to tell you how i feel now.. or how important of you in my life.. because i know you do know how important and how serious i am to you...

I love you is not because what we did in 'Lavender' or anything at all or anything before that (Horserider.. Sentosa.. or anywhere we have been to..) That is not part of my love to you.. My love to you is to bring you happiness and smile throughout your whole life... i want you to be beautiful and happy till we both hold hand and sleep till eternity..

I might not have a very exciting and a very colorful life.. But i can lead you a enjoyable and comfortable life..

I love you from the bottom of my heart JW.. I really do..