14th April 2010.. Marsiling Block 168.. Afternoon

sitting in front of this dell.. waiting for the time to pass.. very sunny and only a little wind.. noises from a drilling machines drilling some damn holes nearby.. stomacht feeling alittle empty and really sleepy now.. last night when i pass through the sg checkpoint that was the 'exciting' part of the night.. kanna detained.. paid half of the fine.. and another fine to go.. thank goodness the officer kind enough to let me go.. didnt sleep much last night even bought a packet of rice and eat but throw the whole packet away after get myself online at 2330 last night (where another 'exciting' part happened) and slept almost at 2am (kept on thinking and thinking)..

feeling very sad and down.. i do not know how to show my feelings to the world or to you.. It seems really lost.. met a few person in front of me.. sitting in front of me.. i do not know how to talk to them.. i felt really stupid and dumb for a moment when there is a aunty ask me few simple questions.. i realized nothing matters to me now.. only you are the one matters to me.. your smile and your eyes are the one create my life.. i do not know how to go on without you..

bought you a camera that you wanted for a while for your valentines gift.. i know its abit late (6 to 7 months since it launched).. i'm sorry.. tried my best to save and work my ass out to get you that.. but it was worthy because seeing your smile throughout the day of purchasing that camera for you..
something different and bigger are coming your way.. COMING SOON!!! something you wanted for a very long time.. i wanted you to have that early birthday gift because i've promised you.. as i told you a promise is a promise!!!

thank you for your birthday shirt.. i love it so much dear and it was really smart and cool when i put it on.. and i wanted you to see me wearing it every single time..

called the Green House developer this morning and just found out that there is a new phase launching soon.. but date has yet to announce.. the current green house only launch 2 rows of houses which is currently selling and there are 2 more rows are coming soon.. targeting this 2 new rows of houses.. purchasing a corner unit for you and thunder has never a doubt in my mind.. but purchasing a house is no easy matters.. it involved alot of side and authorities.. 1)bank from my side and developer.. 2)lawyers from myside and developer 3)application to withdraw my money from the CPF 4)need letter from the authorities to put your name inside the sales and purchase agreement 5)and of course the OC/CFO to be approved in time for us to move in..
all of this process is not under my or anyone control.. it take times at least 2 to 3 months or more because to take my CPF out will need to wait at least 2 months already.. so od possible wrap it up and send it to you for your next year birthday gift..

as you always said.. i only talk cock and no action.. but all this i need alittle more time to prepare myself.. of course i will get what you wanted and i able to afford for now.. and there is one thing came across my mind was if i dont get the 'birthday gift' for you now.. i cant get it for you once i get the green house.. and of course part of my salary will be drain up to the house eventually.. so buying a house is no laughing or easy matters..

coming weeks i will be in a total new environment and total new concept of selling.. all of these will be a stranger to me.. i cant walk through this dark and crazy times alone without you holding my hand.. i seriously do need you by myside and in my heart.. the goal of my life is to provide you a home with love and delicious foods on the table..

and i know its time to proof something.. and words need to it in action..